Hi my name is Lu and I walk with a cane.
I feel like I should be in a support group for young people who have to walk with canes. I mean, do you judgemental people actually think I want this god awful fucking thing? NO.
People keep telling me to decorate it, but it really isn’t mine. It’s a loaner, doesn’t matter from where. *evil grin* Anyway the last thing I need to do is draw more attention to it. Mason already thinks he is Shifu from Kung Fu Panda when he gets his hands on it. So I pretty much have to hold it, or hide it.
Mike asked me if I really needed to take it out on date night Saturday night. Um, no I don’t but it’s just so fucking rad honey. I mean look how it makes me look so awesome. Plus what would I do without all of the dirty looks and snarling when I park right up front with my Temporarily Disabled tag and I am 50 years younger than everyone else. I mean I just LIVE for those looks now. Besides I can tell you right now I don’t feel “Temporarily Disabled” I feel DISABLED. I have been dealing with this ankle snafu since September of 2008, have had 2 surgeries, a new found depression, loss of fun, eleventy billion slices of humble pie, eighty gazillion tears, and an ass-load of physical therapy. Also, Mike HATES parking with my tag. He’s like “you can do it.” And I am all “Fuck off and use my tag. I get these looks everywhere all the time. Share the stares with me buddy boy. They don’t just hand these out at Publix. I NEED it, USE it.” I mean really?
I digress…
So I guess I should just stat wearing capri pants everywhere because the one day I did people were confronted with THIS…
BEWARE APPARENTLY THIS WILL BE DISTURBING TO SOME…Also I made the pictures huge so they are extra scary.
My cousin who was in town and is preggers saw it, turned away like she was gonna puke and said “baby don’t like.” Then one day I wore capri pants to drop off Mason and his teachers were all like “OH MY GAWD, NO WONDER. THAT LOOKS AWFUL.” I mean really? Now, honestly I think it looks pretty good considering once it looked like this and even worse. So bad I would NEVER post pics of that. You can’t even tell from the way the scar is that EVERYTHING in my ankle was re-done, I had my heel sawed off and screwed back on, and a bunch of other crap. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be an ankle model or play in the NFL, it’s all good. (Although I am a little ticked that I had, and I quote my doc “an NFL surgery” but I get no NFL care, such as nannies, chefs, chauffeurs, or another NFL dude to carry me around.) I am working my ass off just to be able to take my kid to the zoo, OK?!?!?
Anyway, I am in physical therapy three times a week. It’s not the most awesome thing ever. I am still not back at work. That must suck for them. I know it sucks for me and I wonder how much they resent me, or think I am being lazy not being back yet. I mean it is my MIL, SIL, and one other woman that has been with us for like 12 years, but still. My MIL has no pain threshold I swear. So I am like a total wimp compared to her. But everyone in the family knows you don’t compare yourself to her. She tried to cut out her own tooth with an exact- o knife. Yeah.
I am gaining more and more responsibility lately. I now take Mas to school as well as pick him up. WITH A CANE. It’s an interesting acrobatic juggling act of a toddler who says “NO hand mommy, you no hold my hand.” That can cause a fit or simply a 41lb. limp toddler. I am not even cleared to carry over 10 pounds! So basically I just drag him. Oh you bet ya. If the teachers don’t like it MAYBE THEY COULD HELP ME OUT! I mean I already pay all of their mortgages for christ’s sake. Between him, the cane, lunchbox, sweater, show and tell, and other miscellaneous items getting 10 feet to the car is like watching a train wreck. Once I THREW all the items as close to the car as I could get them, so I could herd Mas with my cane. I guess I can’t blame them for not helping, I would be laughing at me too.
BUT HEY PROGRESS, RIGHT?!?!?! *sigh*
It is. I will continue to see it that way. The mornings are hard, but I am doing it. Slowly pulling back from the pills is hard, but I’m doing it. Learning to live with a certain level of constant pain is hard, but I am doing it. Walking with a cane SUCKS DONKEY BALLS, but I’m doing it.
This has been a lot longer, harder, and more life consuming than ANYONE could have ever imagined. Seriously. One day, in like 10 years this will all be hilarious right? (As long as I don’t walk with a permanent limp, which is still uncertain. Um, what????)
So until then I will continue to smile and nod as I get out of my truck, parked in the handicap space with Snoop Dog blaring as loud as humanly possible. Take that bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ocala Prestige Photography Inc.
